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My own mortality - AKA Another Surgery
By Purple Pen
I am going in next week for my 8th surgery. That doesn't include dental. If you throw those in, I'm looking at 13. That's funny but until I wrote it down, it didn't occur to me that those are my 2 very lucky numbers 8 and 13. Anyway.... Each time I am about to go for a surgery I go through this "nesting" period. Very similar to what a woman can go through when she is pregnant. The need to clean and wash everything. Reorganize, regroup, redesign. The need to feel that everything is in order. I do this for two reasons, the first one being that when I come home from the hospital I don't want to be looking at all of the things that have to be done and fighting the urge to do them. That's counter productive to healing. The second reason I do it, is because if I drop dead I don't want to leave my husband with these things to do. Maybe it's morbid, but it happens to me every time. I have a list to complete of things that must be in order before I go and I will stay up all night the night before surgery if I have to, to make sure every sock, dish, magazine and pen are away where they belong. Don't get me wrong - I do NOT live in a messy house, but every thing must be done. It's a compulsion. I go through the house like I'm doing what some people call spring cleaning, washing walls, oiling the cabinets, cleaning out closets, washing the light fixtures etc.. I go through my office and shred all of the unneeded papers, throw out whatever needs to be tossed and make sure the book that I keep in the safe with the estate directions is up to date with the most current will, insurance policy numbers and other directive information. All the while I am facing that I may not come home. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that I am going to die, but my brain can't help but process that the more times I go in for surgery, the more of a chance I have of not coming home. This time around it's my hip that needs to be repaired. I tore the labrum in my sleep. I have a disease called Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and it makes the connective tissue in my body very weak, so one night when I was sleeping, I twisted the wrong way and that was it. In about 5 months or so I'll be going through this again. I have to have a partial knee replacement once the hip is fully healed. Did I mention that I'm not even 35 yet? Oh well, back to cleaning.... |
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Hi, Pen,
Join the club! There are millions of us!
I suppose it is a bit like having to change your underwear in case you have an accident - sometimes it is almost a charm to keep evil away.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
That's a good way to look at it.
It's just your way of coping. We all have our own. Hang in there, and don't worry. I'm sure that a lot of us are gonna be praying for ya. G'Bless...
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
Yup, my neurotic way of coping. :) Thanks a lot!
wow good luck. I mention Ehlers Danlos Syndrome when I treach genetics but its one I know very little about. perhaps you could post an article on it. it must be frigtening to go through so many surgeries. I am recovering from sholder surgery myself, torn rotator cuff dur to rock climbing.
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
EDS is an article that I will write, someday soon. It's definitely scary to go through so many surgeries and know that there are many more coming. Good luck in your recovery - and remember to follow your recovery/pt to the end, because you only get one chance to heal properly!
The copyright for this content entitled "My own mortality - AKA Another Surgery" has been specified by the contributor as:
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This content may not be copied, distributed or adapted by anyone under any circumstances.
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This intel was contributed by Purple Pen
Purple Pen
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May, 2012
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